I Did What I Could

My heart wrenched as I wept in prayer to God for Jill. Though I didn’t know her, tears spilled from my puffy, painful eyes and stained my face, as though she were my best friend.She was the daughter of my mother’s friend.

Jill was married for 14 years to a man with whom she desired to have children. All seemed to go well. Her dreams and desires, however, were dashed when her husband had an affair. They divorced, and when he remarried and had children with his new wife, the bitter pain of her dead dreams pierced to the core of her being.

With no way to cope, Jill turned to alcohol in an attempt to numb her pain. I’m sure she never imagined where her "escape" would take her. Agony of heart often blinds the eye from seeing the end result.

Successful with a $45,000 a year job, Jill soon began to miss work. Loss consumed her life. First it was her job, then her car, then her home. She was 48 years old, and alcohol was waging its destructive grip in her life.

She frequented the emergency room with near deadly blood alcohol levels, and on more than one occasion had to have stitches due to falling while intoxicated. Because alcohol was destroying her body, she was admitted to the hospital for care.

As I learned of Jill’s plight, God gripped me to the gut for this precious soul for whom Christ died. Why? I knew what it was like to be entangled in the chains of addiction to alcohol and drugs, and to find no release until Jesus crushed the chains of power. But the depth of my cry to God came in pleading for Jesus to rescue Jill from an eternity without Him.

I made calls to enlist the prayers of others, who in turn called others to pray on her behalf. We stormed the throne room of God for Jill. The Bible tells us to come boldly before the throne of grace so we can find Him in time of need (Hebrews 4:16). We did; we stood united seeking help for Jill in her time of need.

Then word came… “Her sodium level is low, and they can’t get it to come up. They’re taking her back to ICU.” My emotional strength was spent.

The Lord reminded me I could not stop her suffering, and His help for her may not align with my expectations. I felt the Lord saying to me, “Relax now, you have done what you could.” Now I had to trust in His sovereignty and His love for Jill.

Mark 14:3-9 tells the story of a woman who anointed Jesus in preparation for his burial. Jesus responded, “She did what she could.” This woman couldn’t prevent the suffering of Jesus any more than I could prevent Jill’s suffering, but she did what she could. I too did all I could.

I stood on the belief that God was able to reach Jill. It was not dependent on me. I knew Jesus was more invested in her life than I was; He was the One who shed His blood for her. God’s ways of reaching her were not limited by visitation hours or restrictions on who could visit. He could show up at any time.

I continued to pray and enlist the prayers of others. I couldn’t make her willing, but I could pray the Lord would free up her ability to choose and hope that at the crossroads between life and death she would choose life.

I prayed until I had peace that Jill would be okay. I knew God heard my prayers and was reaching out to her.

In breaking through in prayer, I heard “She will live and not die.” My heart was hopeful and encouraged.

Jill’s low sodium level improved only to take a sharp dive, from which she did not recover. Alcoholism finally took her life.

The Lord’s word, “She will live and not die” failed to meet my expectations. She did die, but yet she lives. She had been placed into the hands of God, where she now rests.

How little control I had in this situation— I didn’t know her; I couldn’t reach her; but I did what I could. I prayed. But the God to whom I prayed knew her and reached her.