Last Saturday morning it was my turn to call my adopted daughter for our mother-daughter bonding time. After our usual exchange of weekly events, Katie announced, “I found and talked with my birth mom and I was thinking we could meet sometime. What do you think?”
I couldn’t believe it!
The conversation stopped dead. Fear overtook me and I started to hyperventilate. I reminded myself to breathe. How was I going to deal with this?
“Mom? Mom, did you hear me?”
“Yes, I heard you. But I’ll have to call you back. I love you.”
I stood there stunned, paralyzed. My mind flitted about, searching for something—anything. Then God’s Word came to my mind and pierced my heart. It was almost like Jesus was standing in the kitchen and lovingly and gently rebuking me. “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. (Isaiah 41:10) “The Lord Almighty has sworn, ‘Surely, as I have planned, so it will be, and as I have purposed, so it will stand.’” (Isaiah 14:24) Then He asked, “Who made Katie? Who placed her in your home? Is she your child?”
Tears streamed down my face. My heart ached. I called my daughter back. After asking forgiveness for my response to her answered prayer, I told her, “Honey, I will be waiting for your call next Saturday. Call in the middle of the week if you have any exciting news, okay?”
Katie answered with, “Okay, Mom. I love you and I forgive you.” She added without hesitating, “You are my mom.”
As I hung up the phone I began to pray. “O God I am scared and You know my pain. This is new territory for me and it hurts. Please show me what to do. Amen.”
I sat at the kitchen table and poured my heart out to God. Different verses that have been treasured in my heart overshadowed my lingering doubts. I remembered that God has a purpose for everything and He gave me the assurance that He has everything under control.
Suddenly the events of the adoption and the process sped across my mind. It was as if it had all happened yesterday. I could still see it very clearly.
I was able to adopt my daughter through a Christian adoption agency. The birth mother had some questions before she relinquished her. So, I wrote a letter to her. To the best of my recollection it read, “Thank you for letting me adopt your beautiful daughter. I can’t imagine what a struggle this is for you. She will be raised in a Christian home. With our prayers—yours and mine—it is my hope that she will accept Jesus as Savior and Lord of her life. May God richly bless you.”
When the agency told me that the mother had decided to give her daughter to me on the basis of that letter—I rejoiced. “Thank You God for giving us this beautiful child.”
With a sigh of relief and joy abounding in my heart, I brought the baby girl home from the agency. When she was about four or five-years-old, I shared with Katie that she was adopted. I stressed the fact that she was chosen. I told her that her birth mother was unable to care for her but she did the next best thing by giving her up for adoption.
As Katie grew, I watched her mature into a beautiful young woman. And she did accept Jesus as Savior and Lord.
On her eighteenth birthday at her favorite restaurant, I presented Katie with a savings bond from her birth mother. I had been saving it for a special occasion. As I reached across the table holding it in my hand, tears welled up in Katie’s eyes. She grasped the other side of the envelope. I said, “Darling, I have always tried to hold you with open hands and allow you to grow up in your own way. Today I give you a gift from your birth mother. If you ever choose to seek her out, I want you to know that it is okay with me. I would like to say “thank you” to her for you and for allowing me to be your mom.”
But, deep down, I hoped this wouldn’t happen. She was mine, I told myself. After all, I raised her. The birth mother gave up her rights.
Again, I poured out my heart to God. “Dear Jesus, I do love You. Thank You for Your Word and the verses that have come alive to me. Thank You for being my Teacher. Help me to be a better student. I surrender this pain of anger, jealousy, selfishness, and fear to You. I know that You are directing my steps and already know the outcome. Please help me to love this birth mom and be truly thankful for her.
“I pray that You will bless her. And, Lord, please create in me a pure heart and renew a steadfast spirit within me. (Psalm 51:10) I give all praise to You. Amen.”
God answered my prayer and gave me a selfless desire. Many weeks later I put together Katie’s baby pictures so she could share them with her birth mother. I never got to thank Katie’s birth mom in person and it saddened me because after scrap booking the pictures I looked forward to sharing her daughter. The Lord consoled me by reminding me of His closeness.
I know that whatever road the Lord puts me on He is definitely with me. As I surrender to Him, I can trust Him for the outcome and leave everything in His capable hands. He remains my constant companion—and that’s more than enough.
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